on may 25th. this makes me super happy.
my thoughts; strangers should become friends at zlam dunk shows. and boy howdy is may 18th a good time for that. so if you’re from austin and somehow our tumblrs cross paths, come see my band live, and we’ll become friends.
church was amazing as always. austin stone, the smith brothers, and coffee, and some dark chocolate. that’s what we call a winning recipe for amazing worship.
here’s what I wrote;
“You didn’t make me” said the ship to the captains hand, these sails are mine I’m not at your command, my floor won’t carry you or any other man, and I won’t set sail to any foreign land, and these dark waves will never capsize, my strength my wisdom or my pride, no steel could pierce my wooden sides, and my glory is only through my own design, I will sail under any and all skies.
I will not join their fleet, I will not join their ranks, but hard as I try, I keep drifting away, and my sails change colors, and I slowly break apart, I’m starting to worry if I can stay afloat through the next days
I need you to guide me through this war, I need you to lead me back ashore, I need you to carry me through this storm because I can’t control these waves anymore, and I don’t think I could ever steer, in any waters, let alone here, in my heart I know I wasn’t made, for just these waves, I will set sail for your land please take me home again.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
brett likes this verse. and I like brett! and I like the bible! double win!
on the tops of my hands are veins that struggle against my skin with urges to escape, they wiggle around when I ask them to dance, my hands in the same way like being held still, but hardly find the chance, they stay active and rough as I put them to work, but I say cut them off, and let me take a long nap.
I hardly ever think this, but I want out of Texas. I want this next tour so badly. I just want two weeks without anything to do but shows. Three weeks would be amazing.
I think it’s just arabic.
Isa ruhu-lah ‘alaihis-salat was-salam
Nastagh-firuka ya Hakam
Ya Dhal-Jalali wal-Ikram
Isa ruhu-lah ‘alalihis-salat was-salam
Ya Halim, ya Qahhar
Ya Muntaqim, ya Ghaffar!
La llaha ilallahu, Allahu Akbar!
Though all that we eat brings us little relief
We don’t know quite what else to do
We have all our beliefs
But we don’t want our beliefs
God of peace,
We want you.” —
I slept for 11 hours. Hooray.
Church was good as always. Here are some writings.
And if sin has a currency, then currently, death has a hold of me, and it won’t set me free, as if I am the needy, sitting on corners of streets, with signs written in sharpie, asking if you could spare me some of your extra slavery, because I don’t have enough chains on my ankles and knees, it’s one thing to be weighed down by gravity, but I’m weighed down by accountability, I’m weighed down because naturally, the weights I carry are crushing me, but obviously it’s not enough for me, because I’m picking up weights like they’re guaranteed to be only temporary but what worries me are these weights are eternity unless someone comes and pays my fee, but who would do such a thing for me, when I deserve to sink to the bottom the sea.
Jesus is the answer, or so I read on a bumper sticker, but that was on the back of a mini van, so how could I believe them? Jesus I’m sure would be on the back of a Lexus, oh what backwards theology. Jesus wouldn’t be on the back of a Lexus, Jesus just is, everything around, all of this, well, this is all His, the king of the Jews, God as man, could easily be on the back of a mini van, Jesus is the answer but the question is, who could ever love these broken kids?
When I go to sleep it’s with shame or hope, but hardly ever both, I breathe clean or choke, on either grace or smoke, on words You wrote and truths You spoke, I either spit it up or swallow them whole, I don’t really know, does it show? I’m afraid it’s obvious I don’t know what forgiveness is, that feeling of calm breathing, is it this? or the other feeling, that feeling in my stomach that leaves me sick maybe I have trouble understanding what I can’t learn what I never earned or deserved but really, I guess that’s why it is what it is.
show tonight was really good. The Mohawk is a great venue. Free Frank and Red Bull is good. Surprise hugs… are… good?
Fred Falke trumps all.
And the new LCD is kind of cool. Dance Yrself Clean is good. I want to get the rest of the album.
Fevers are for losers. Bierbers are for punching. Beavers are for damns.
I wish I had a mac to download songs to, but lately new stuff I’ve been listening to on other computers…
Any remix of Two Door Cinema Club.
Anything by Treasure Fingers.
Housse De Racket - Oh Yeah! (Nighty Max Remix). There are several remixes of this French duo.
Anything by Grum.
On the way to church I listened to most of Brother, Sister and am still convinced it’s best mewithoutYou album. Just a hair better then Catch For Us the Foxes.
I need new music to listen to. Any recommendations?
This morning I felt like Harrison Ford. Monday morning I felt like P. Diddy’s nephew.
go listen to the Grum Club Mix of “Can’t Shake This Feeling”, the Ghosts of Venice Remix of “Can’t Shake This Feeling”, and The Twelves Remiix of “Something Good Can Work” by Two Door Cinema Club.
I love dance music.
I went to church last night and it was so good. I can’t believe it had been a month or so. Of course I wrote some poems when Matt was talking, and I wrote one last night, as I didn’t go to sleep.
I was so wrong about my God, thinking I could find His love in her, like a wealthy man robbed, because he never locked the door, it is entirely my fault, when I feel so insecure, when i begged for less, and He offered more, what are my two hands for if not for asking more? no! I want less, show me I’m blessed by taking away what leaves me unsure, because my walk isn’t always so pure, so take away it all so can have more.
My God I cry when I sing to You, because at night I don’t always think of You, my God I cry when I sing to You, when I’m sorry for not being sorry when I try to.
The sons of God have chose the daughters of man in my life, so let’s prepare the waters, does it matter if I’m of Cain? or if I’m choosing his daughters, no regardless, this time I’m asking father, flood this all till I’m left with just you.
We act like God’s sons until we get a better offer, so that we can Love you, Lord, give us the water.
The Devil tweeted to me, he said we’re like the same, and i commented that share the same first letter in our name, and we both have turned against the Lord, I guess we’re both to blame, but unlike the Devil, I’m praying “am I saved?”
So I texted the Lord, and I’m waiting for His reply, and if He doesn’t answer I can’t help but wonder why, there are times I ignore Him and months fly by, and I’m staring at the ground as if there never was sky
but I called and left a message, and a number he could reach me, I said i wouldn’t mind if He got a little preachy, I think that’s what I need, like the words I sometimes read, You’ve got me on my knees, and I’m sitting at Your feet
so i turned off my computer, and I silenced my phone, I don’t replay to letters unless they’re letters sent from home, I know that you will finish, I pray I’ll endure, this world is a disease and i know you are the cure
so I replied to the Devil, don’t talk to me again, please don’t be offended but I don’t see you as a friend, and I know we used to talk but that time had to end, and rather sooner then later because I’m doing home again.
well technically the person I’m trying to date now, I became aware of them on the internet… so sort of yes. But since the person I’m trying to date now, I will never ever date… so no.
is my new band. We start recording tonight along with more zlam dunk stuff. I’m actually excited to mix and record and do the shit I’m suppose to do with my major. promos and videos and stuff soon as well. I have some amazing friends who can do stuff for us and they’re nice.
also zlam dunk’s second tour is in the making. I get to go back to the south. tx, lousiana, alabama, florida, south carolina, north carolina, georgia, tennessee, mississippi, arkansas and back home to tx. we’re doing a special tour ep that we’re only selling outside of texas. rand (he doesn’t know yet) will be screening them and I’m really excited.
two shows this weekend. happy birthday chachi. great weekend ahead. this is me happy. and I look like a candy cane.
5 Bands/Musicians I’ve been Listening to A lot Lately.
Two Door Cinema Club
The Black Keys?
5 Things I’m Addicted To.
The Black Keys?
Biggest Celebrity Crushes.
Songs I Can’t Stop Listening to at the Moment.
“Wide Eyes”- Local Natives
“Summerfest 86”- Miami Horror
“I Will Never Make Out With You?”- The Black Keys?
Best TV Shows.
Things that Remind You of Your Best Friend(s)
Your Dream Future:
Play in bands a good while. Find a good lady. Somehow support a family. Be a drummer in a good praise band. Maybe be a sunday school teacher. Get more tattoos. Eat food three times a day. Sleep for 8-10 hours every night.
5 Things that Always Cheer Me Up.
TV Shows You’ve Seen Every Episode of.
Favorite Sports Teams.
Colts, Cavs, Rockets, Astros, The Black Keys
Teams I Hate With a Passion.
Jazz, The Cardinals, the Braves, the Patriots
Put Your iPod on Shuffle-What are the First 10 Songs that come up?
- My ipod is dead from listening to the Black Keys. But if I had to guess, it’d be the Black Keys.
ask me some questions I’m bored to death.
Oh man, that’s… well that’s a tough question. God has changed my life in many ways, but sometimes it’s subtle. I hate to say it, but sometimes it’s more the things I can’t do instead of the things I can do. Well, no. That’s the thought process. In my life, it’s shown me where I can get true joy from. At 23, I’ve seen a good amount of things, and been around a lot of things, including sex, drugs, and all that junk, and where the world tells me that it’s fun, and it’s fullfilling, God has shown me it’s not. Plus, being that I’m human, I’ve gone against God and tried it out for myself. I’ve taken a bite from the tree, if you will, and it’s never worth it. So constantly in my life I’m having to tell myself, “knock it off. You know it’s not going to make you happy.” Patience is important in my life. I try to love more, and be patient with things, and have a different look, where money isn’t everything, and possessions don’t matter, and it’s not what you can get now.
God has changed my life, because I’m not afriad of things, I don’t (for the most part) worry about life. I am very aware of my shit, my inability to do right all the time. There are horrible things inside me, and I’m very aware of that, and sadly, it’s come out at times. I am very aware of my need for a Savior, and it’s inescapable, this feeling of guilt/dirt/shame inside me at times. But, along with that is the inescapable feeling that the God of universe has His eyes on me, and He loves me a real love that I’ll never understand. It’s hard to explain, and I can’t prove everything or make sense of it all, but, in all honesty, I have a hard time with phsyics, or talking to a girl I like. So why would I expect to understand this world? I don’t. It makes sense to me that it wouldn’t make sense to me, but that it would make sense to God. If it was something we could understand apart from God, then he wouldn’t be much a God, would he? To think we’ll get this world is bologna, and I feel to think it’s pointless, well, that’s not a view I want to have. I’ve had personal experiences in my life that prove there is a God and for me that is undeniable. It’s… it’s worth thinking about. C.S. Lewis has better thoughts on the subject then I do. So does Aaron Wiess. But I try to do good. It’s really hard sometimes. I’m really happy whoever asked this was aware that I love God, since sometimes I’m afraid I don’t show it too well.
I hope this wasn’t a text book answer. If you want to talk more about anything, please ask.